Hank Hill's Bizarre Adventure: Propane is Forever
by Mimickee
Summary: When pushed into a giant pool of oil, something awakens within Hank Hill as he unravels the mystery of the arrow
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: Oil for days

The smell of oil was in the air. What stood in front of Hank hill's eyes was a large, deep trench, filled to the brim with oil. Hank could not believe his eyes. The year was 2008, and summer had just started.

"This is unbelievable, look at all this oil," Said Hank. Joe Jack had been driving around on the outskirts of Arlen Texas when he heard a rumble. Feeling curious he went in the direction of which he heard it. There he found a hole, with more oil you could ever hope for, he called hank, along with Buck Strickland to the site. "What do you suppose we do with all this oil?" asked hank.

"Well, there is the SpeedWagon Foundation. I heard that they opened a branch down here Arlen. We could sell this oil there." Said Buck Strickland. "I'm going give them a call." Mr. Strickland proceeded to walk to his truck, pulling out an iPhone. "Whelp," started Hank, "I best be getting home, it's starting to get dark." "I'm gonna have to stop you right there, Hank." Said Joe Jack, "I can't let you know about this oil, I'm the one who found it, so it's only natural that I get a large sum of the money. With you around it will only make things complicated."

Hank looked at Joe Jack dumbfounded. "Joe Jack, that's got to one of the stupidest things I've ever heard you say. If you don't stop with this shit, I'm gonna kick your ass!" Without a second thought, Joe Jack pushed Hank into the black pool of oil. Hank started to struggle, sinking as did so. Oil started going up every single hole imaginable. He gasped for air, his heart was pounding, and he started to black. He then felt a sharp pain. An arrow had come out of the black abyss, stabbing him through the heart. Out of shock, Hank finally gave in and closed his eyes.

About ten minutes had passed since Hank had let out his last breath. The possibility of him being rescued had seemed to have long passed. That's when a hand grabbed him by the collar; Hank had been pulled out. The mysterious savior checked his pulse, but heard nothing. All of the sudden, Hank's heart started pumping again of nowhere. The stranger landed his hand on Hank's chest with enough force to clear the oil out of him. Life went back into Hank's eyes, and he leaned up, coughing up oil. There before him stood a tall, strongly build man, who seemed to be in his mid-thirties and of Japanese descent. He wore a black outfit with stars riddled throughout his body. His hat and hair seemed to merge into one. A cool, but serious attitude could be felt from Hank's position.

"Yare Yare Daze," spoke the stranger, "Just as my day couldn't get any weirder, I had to pull some guy out of a lake of oil." Hank stood up, "I don't know how to thank you mister, I thought my life was over. Could I ask you your name?"

"I'm Jotaro Kujo. I'm here because I've gotten reports of strange things happening. That's when I came across this oil pit. Did anything strange occur while you were drowning?" "Actually, something did happen, near my last breath, an arrow came and pierced right through my heart, but I could have just been seeing things with all of the adrenaline that had been running through me." Hank put his hand on heart, as if making a pledge, but only found a rip in his shirt. Jotaro gazed at Hank with enough pressure to turn carbon into diamond. "Did you say an arrow?" Jotaro stopped looking at Hank and instead changed his attention to a man on the other side of the lake. "Hey you, stop right there!" The man turned and looked at the two of them, an arrow visible in his silhouette. Then, with a panicked turn, he ran away. "God dammit! Look, if you find notice anything strange or peculiar, call the Arlen Hotel, room 132; I'm making an extended visit here. Also, it would be handy to know your name." My name? I'm Hank Hill."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: The Smell of Propane

Hank returned home late that night. His clothes were soaked with oil and Joe Jack and Mr. Strickland had already left. "Where have you been, and why are you covered in oil?" Peggy, Hank's wife, asked him in an agitated manner. "Well you see I ran into a little problem. Joe Jack found a large hole filled to the oil, and let's just say the next time I see that bastard, I'm gonna kick his ass!" "What is that supposed to mean?" Peggy asked in a demanding voice. "Look, I'll tell you about it later, I'm just wanna take a shower and go to bed." And with that, Hank ended his bizarre day.

Hank woke up to something he didn't expect: he could smell propane, and it was a thick scent. Hank took a deep breath, enjoying the smell. His exposure to the clean, cooking gas had gotten him use to the smell. He snapped out of it, as it was unusual for him to smell this much propane at once. "Hey Peggy," Hank called out to his wife, "make sure you don't light anything, I think there is a propane leakage!" Hank exited his room to look for the source. He smelled around to see where the smell was at its thickest, but there was no give. He went outside to see if it smelled out there, and it did. No matter where he was that smell remained. He had to find the source, or else his house would be in danger of combustion.

Hank walked the street that connected his house to his neighbors', but the smell persisted. Then someone yelled out to Hank. "Hey you!" Hank got closer to the man; he was of average height and was fairly thin. Was stood out to hank was the vast amounts of black and white makeup spread across his body. He almost looked like a clown. "Where's the arrow?" he asked in an almost jokingly matter. "Who the hell even are you, are you the one behind all of the propane in the air?" Hank asked him. "My name is Violent J Dip, and I don't know what you mean. Propane, I could only smell it when you got near me. But that's beside the point, what I'm after is the arrow, and I know you've seen it. You were with Jotaro Kujo, thus you're involved."

"Look, I don't have the arrow. Somebody had already taken it when I was talking to Jotaro." Hank's hand started to twist out of nowhere. The pain was excruciating. "Don't worry, your hand is fine, you're just feeling the effect of it being twisted at 500°!" He let out an insane laugh, one which could be heard throughout the block. "Even if you can't give me any information about the arrow, torturing you will be fun, thanks to my stand 'Insane Clown Posse'!"

To the right of the man, hank could see an entity with a jester like top and a spherical body like a football. Arms starting from the top protruded downwards and markings ran down its body, giving it a stylized look. "What in hell is that?" Hank yelled in a whimpered voice. "Oh, so you **can **see my Insane Clown Posse, which means you've been stabbed by the arrow and likely have a stand yourself. Come on, show it to me!" "I don't know what that is," said Hank. "Well, more fun for me!" said the man.

A great jolt of pain appeared in Hank's neck; His head had started to twist and breathing problems started to occur. Hank coughed, almost tearing up at the severe pain. Soon after his torso followed suit, twisting at odd angles, giving unimaginable pain. Hank had just about had enough. He stood up as best as he could, but the twists and turn were hindering his ability to do so. Hank turned a few degrees to the left in order to look Violent in the eye. He felt rage course through his veins. "I don't know what a stand is, I and I certainly don't know why you want that arrow, but when I look at your face, I'm filled with the urge to kick your ass!" A large explosion of propane exploded around Hank. A massive, human-like entity, with bulging muscles and a head shaped like a propane canister came out of Hank's body. The stranger lost his grip on Hank's neck, making his breathing more clear.

The stand's hulking body approached Violent, creating rumbles in the ground. The man got up and attempted to run away, but Hank's stand was too fast. Holding Violent by the neck, Hank looked him dead in the eye, and at moment's notice, the stand cried out furiously, pummeling Violent's thin frame at rapid fire. "H'WHAT H'WHAT H'WHAT H'WHAT H'WHAT H'WHAT H'WHAT H'WHAT H'WHAT H'WHAT! BUUUUUH!" Violent's body flew through the air, crashing into a neighbor's house. Hank took a breath in and out; his face was red. The stand faded back into Hank's body. "So this is called a stand? Mighty interesting, I guess I'll give it a name. How about **Propane Nightmare**?"


End file.
